How I deleted my 2000-hours OSRS account to quit gaming just to come back a year later

I say this as I AFK at crabs whilst writing this post.

I've been playing this stupid Medieval clicking simulator for 20 years (That is almost two-thirds of my life). And yet, with all those hours sunk, I never really could explain why I love this game.

In fact, I've "quit" this game on many occasions, thinking that I "grew out" of the game.

And yet, after some time, I find myself going back to soothe my RuneScape itch again. As a wise 'Scaper say, "You never quit RuneScape, you only take breaks."

My relationship with RuneScape is complex to say the least. Some would probably say its borderline toxic. Today I'd like to share my story with you.

The Encounter

For the uninitiated, Runescape is a 24-years-old massively multiplayer online (MMO) role-playing game. It is one of the poster child online-games of my generation, and the one that I spent the most hours on. Most players agree that the "Golden Age" of Runescape was between 2005-2007, when I first started playing the game.

My first encounter with RuneScape was typical.

You know how every generation has a word that acts as a key to unlock a memory lane? Well, for us 90's kids, one of those nostalgic words is "Miniclip.com". Miniclip.com is a website that hosted hundreds of browser game for you to play. It was also my first homepage.

One day, when 9-year-old me was happily browsing the web searching for the next game to play, a banner caught the corner of my eye. I recognized it because that game was always high up in the Miniclip.com access rankings.

Four stones, each with a letter to spell out RUNE.

A sword.

Five more stones to spell out SCAPE.

I decided to click the banner and give it a go.

This was when I met RuneScape.

I still remember the time when I created my first RuneScape account. In the account creation form, there was a tickbox that asked

As I hover over the blank tickbox, my 9-year-old heart was pounding with fear and thrill. "Am I going to jail if they find out?"

After 20 minutes of contemplation, I made my account, and so far I haven't been sent to jail. (its past the limitation period by now, right?)

The time that follows is one of my most fond memories of my childhood. Walking around the world of Gileinor. Killing a chicken. Looting its meat. Cutting down a tree. Lighting the logs. Cooking the chicken in the fire. The idea of having an avatar. In another world. That is filled with "other people".

The whole experience was extremely exciting and enlightening for 9 year-old me. I got HOOKED. Oh boy was I hooked. I was hooked so much that I still play the game today, 20 years since my first encounter.

Get Good

With 20 years of time invested into one game, you would think that I would have achieved everything attainable in the game. But not quite. You see, I've had many RuneScape accounts over the years, but none of them made it to the very end of the game.

I had accounts in the original RuneScape game (now RuneScape 3) that I stopped playing because I didn't enjoy how the game changed over the years. I also have had a few accounts in Old School RuneScape (OSRS), which is another version of the RuneScape game that maintains the nostalgic 2007-esque design of the game.

One account in particular had a very good run in OSRS, if I may say so myself. I completed every quest and all achievements that was available in the game. I was even able to complete raids, which are one of the hardest content in the game that required elite stats and expensive gear. I had mastered several skills to the highest attainable level of 99. My bank was worth over 1 billion coins.

I was serious enough to have a daily routine for my RuneScape account as well. When I wake up at 6AM, I make myself a cup of coffee and login to my RuneScape account. Mornings are for Slayer and content that require a lot of focus. I would do that for 2 hours before I before I start working. I usually logout at this point, but sometimes I would do some AFK (away from keyboard) activity that required no attention while I worked. During evenings, I did skilling content because they aren't as mentally taxing and I can do it on the side while watching a TV show.

I did this on and off 4 or 5 years!

But not anymore. I've lost access to my account, in a very unconventional way.

Nanimono

"Nanimono (何者)" is a Japanese word, literally meaning "Who" in archaic form.　If you're into Japanese TV shows or anime, you may have picked up characters blurt out this word when they suddenly encounter a potential enemy. Something like お前は何者だ!? (Omae wa nanimono da, meaning "Who are you" in an aggressive and cautious tone.)

It is also the title of a Japanese novel written by Ryo Asai (朝井リョウ).

The book is about graduates in the job hunting process struggling to find a job out of university. In particular, it illustrates how hard it is for graduates to put up a false bravado in order to be deemed "wanted" by companies. The graduates have meagre experiences and pointless titles. They are "nobodies". And yet, they have to look like they are "somebodies". Someone worthy to hire. A nanimono.

The reason why I bring this word up is because a part of me has always been trying to be a something, a someone, a nanimono.

More important. More smart. More popular. Someone significant.

And I thought gaming wasn't an activity that will make me who I want to be.

To add to that, the people around me condemned gaming as well. My parents had a strong anti-game sentiment. I was never allowed hand-helds, and frequently banned from using the family computer because I played too much games (that didn't stop me from sneaking up at 2AM to play RuneScape!). My grandpa kept telling me horror stories of my cousin, who was an A-grade student until he met World of Warcraft and how he went on to fail highschool because of that.

All these experiences got the best of me. As I got older, I heard voices flowing in my head when I play games.

"What's the point of gaming? It produces nothing for you."
"I've wasted another few hours on this stupid shit."
"Wow, congratulations on your digital levels."

Mind you, I was no where near a degenerate gamer. I graduated from high school and university. I had a full-time job with a pay that I am happy with. I have a wife and I even brought a home at a young age. I was pretty proud of how far I've come. I never have let gaming take control of my life.

And yet, that wasn't enough. I still wanted to be a nanimono. And RuneScape wasn't going to help me with that.

Goodbyes are a bitch

By my mid-20s, I was in a constant state of guilt. I felt like I had to do something "productive" at all times. When I try and play games, the first few weeks are enjoyable. But then, voices that vilify games start echoing in my head.

What am I doing. This is such a waste of time. I should study instead. I haven't done all the chores yet. I am getting unfit.

And one day, I couldn't take the guilt anymore.

I logged in the game. I accessed my in-game bank. I withdrew all my valuables, along with my 800m cash-stack, and dropped everything on the floor. All up for grabs for other players around me.

Then I logged out.

I also sent an email out to Jagex support to delete my account.

Jagex, probably being considerate to impulsive players like me, put aside a 3-day cooling-off period where you can let them know to cancel the deletion process if you change your mind. After that, the account gets deleted within 30 days of your request.

I sent in the deletion request and never looked back. I had strong urges to cancel the request, but I held it in.

Three weeks after submitting the account deletion request, I received an email from Jagex. Just seeing the popup notification gave me a chill down my spine. I knew what the email was about, and what that meant for my account.

I opened the email. It said that my account was deleted.

2400 hours of progress. Quest cape, achievement diary cape, multiple 99s. All gone. poof.

From then on, I went cold turkey on all things gaming.

Cold Turkey

So, how is my life after deleting my cherished OSRS account?

Honestly, the beginning was great. I saw a lot of improvement straight away. In the first few months, I have:

• started running consistently
• been working out and yoga regularly
• reading more often
• started writing a blog

I was doing things that I can finally be proud of. Things that make me become a nanimono. I was exceedingly productive for the first few months.

But it didn't last.

I burnt out.

You see, all that time spent on RuneScape was instead spent on mindful activities that take energy and focus. After a long day of work, I needed something that I didn't have to think. I mean, I don't wanna sign off work just to solve some leetcode problems, or read a book on politics. My brain don't have that sort of capacity.

As a result, I started finding blocks of time in my life where I am too tired and too bored to do anything productive. I needed some mindless activities. Doing some AFK skilling while watching a TV show would have been perfect, but I've deleted my account and forced myself to stop playing games. Not knowing what to do, often times I found myself lying on the couch scrolling through Instagram, thinking to myself "why don't I just play games if I'm just going to sit here doom-scrolling?"

And then the withdrawals hit. My mind started to try and find any excuses to get me back to gaming again. For example:

"Oh, in this philosophy book that I am reading, Nietzsche is saying I should live in the moment and embrace art! I should consume games to help myself face the absurdity of this world and enjoy the world to the fullest extent!"

"Oh, in this video about psychology, it is talking about how important it is to balance hormone levels! Wait, If I play RuneScape while listening to Audiobooks, won't I have an equal supply of Serotonin AND Dopamine!? This is perfect!"

So, a year after deleting my account, I caved in and came back to OSRS.

Relapse

At first I felt guilty for relapsing. I went through the whole account deletion process just to find myself back in square 1. I felt like an idiot running around in circles.

But I quickly noticed that this time around, I don't play as often as I used to. I still do all my productive nanimono activities.

My mornings are for yoga/running/working out, I spend more time with family and friends, I am keeping my blog up. I'm happy with my relationship with the game and I am guilt-free. I don't feel the desire to play RuneScape all hours of the day.

I guess a part of it is because I've "been there, done that" with a lot of the content in OSRS. But I also genuinely like to spend time on my productive activities instead. Compared to a year ago when I was spending 3-4 hours a day on the game with full of guilt, I say that is progress.

Going forward

Do I regret deleting my old account? Meh, not really. I mean sure, 2000 hours worth of digital progress was lost. If I kept playing I was on track to max my account. However, with all that guilt I piled up I probably would've hated myself for maxing my account.

By deleting my account and quitting for a year, I learned to accept my gaming tendencies and the importance of avoiding burnout. I feel like I am in a better spot compared to last year when I was playing RuneScape with full of guilt.

I'll probably take breaks from playing this account as well. I might quit again too. And that's fine. Every time I do, I learn a little something. I just hope that OSRS will still be around for when I have to sooth my RuneScape itch again.